its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
