I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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