Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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