don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
