Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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