Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
