You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
