I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
