I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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