I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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