I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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