You're so nebulous sometimes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
