I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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