Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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