I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
