I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
