can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
