one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
