Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
