is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
