I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize