i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
