It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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