I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
