Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My ass is underappreciated
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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