Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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