He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
BRING THE BAGELS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
