oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
