Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
