I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
