I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
