fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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