my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
