The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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