Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
