I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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