"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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