how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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