TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
whose ass print is on the piano?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
