he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
