it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
