Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
