you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize