Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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