You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
