My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There r osticjed everywhere
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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