My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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