I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
