i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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