Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
