I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
