i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
