the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
