They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
