4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
