Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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