the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
