Sry I called you an 8
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
