You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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