How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
