tell your sister to shave her snatch
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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