Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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