True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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