Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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