So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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