Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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