you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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