I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize