He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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