i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
