yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He passed out mid-signature
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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