Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
