u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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