apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
