We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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