Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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