what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
